Uncategorized Archives - Havi Wolfson Hall

Health-E-Connection Habits for the Holidays

December 15, 2019 by Havi Hall Leave a Comment

Your presence is the present! Should the holidays be a time of stress for some, using devices to decompress is perfectly ok, as long as it is not taking away from socializing with family members. Taking breaks is normal, but using devices to hide behind due to social anxiety or other underlying issues is not the healthiest way to self-sooth. If you are staying home or traveling over the holidays, here are some Health-E-Connection Holiday Habits for you and your loved ones.

1) Balance your Digital Diet: Over the holidays when our schedules are less routine and there is more free time, family, and good food, we can sometimes have a hard time balancing our time and consumption of things we love. Digital Consumption is no different. In order to avoid “binging”, curate a Holiday Folder on your device with play lists of music and video content, download favorite movies and games that are easier to “pause” and not lose progress. Sit together with your kids and explore Common Sense Media for age appropriate suggestions.

2) Carve out Sacred Time: While traveling our routines are more free, but that does not mean unlimited screen time. Create sacred time by keeping devices charged in one hub, these family unplugged boxed from the Etsy shop Cades and Birch are my favorite, but a main charging hub would work just fine! Keep meal times device free! Bring along board games and other fun alternatives to do with the downtime you have to connect with your loved ones. Have a game night! Join with your gamers and let them teach others about their online world!

3) Create Sacred Spaces: Traveling for the holidays? Many families rely on devices for long plane and car rides, this is fine as long as there are moments to take breaks, walk around, remember to eat and drink and rest. Do not start electronics until 20 minutes-1 hour into the trip, then remember to take breaks every 20-30 minutes. Once you are at your destination, remind your family about the sacred spaces you have in your home. While hotel rooms and/or relatives homes are different, try to maintain your sacred spaces by not bringing devices into bedrooms, bathrooms, and be respectful of the screen time rules if you are in someone else’s home and do not be shy to share yours!

If you or your loved ones have a hard time maintaining Health-E-Connections, please reach out, support is here for you.

Wishing you and your loved ones a very Happy and HEALTH-E Holiday season!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: digital wellness, family device rules, health-e-connections, healthy habits, healthy holiday habits, screen time, screen time struggles

Left to Our Own Devices

December 3, 2019 by Havi Hall Leave a Comment

“Help! My Kid is addicted to their phone!”

Multiple scientific research studies are being published about the harmful correlations of screen time and children’s mental health, and more and more parents are seeking professional guidance around how to break their children’s screen time addiction.

As with any addiction, the cycle of addiction is a difficult one to break, and the number one thing that ensures success is that the addict has to admit there is a problem and be motivated and willing to change.

When parents set restrictions without communicating the WHY behind these limits, the substance becomes forbidden fruit. This increases the child’s desire to obtain it which often then leads to lying, bargaining, manipulation, and conflict. When we police our children in this way, we are sending the message that they are incapable of managing screen time on their own without our intervention. And in the long run, we are taking away the very important learning that comes with the trials and tribulations of learning for oneself.

Here are some conversation starters that can help your family break unhealthy screentime habits:

Embrace the issue. We now know that technology is here to stay and we all need to learn how to balance it. Remind your children that the technology is the problem, not them! For example, “I see that it has been really hard for you to focus on homework when it is online. What can you do to not feel so distracted?”
Educate: Not all screen time is created equally. It would be great to have the nutritional content available for all of the different types of screen time we consume, but since we do not have that (yet!), we can turn to resources such as Common Sense Media to give us an idea of what we are consuming and help us make healthier choices. “Hey Mom, can I download this game?” “Let’s take a look at it together before deciding. What kind of game is it? What skills are you hoping to gain from playing it?”
Evaluate your space and time of use. When getting a new device or looking at your current ones, the questions can be, “Where should this device live?” “Are there places in the home that can be made into tech free zones?” “When should it sleep?” “Can certain times of the day be established as sacred time to connect as a family, such as meal times, morning and bedtime routine?” If screen time is interfering with family members’ basic functioning such as sleep, bathing, and eating, a community charging hub in a public space in the home is a great way to centralize devices and help everyone have healthier habits around where and when technology is being consumed.
Enforce only when necessary! And do so in a way that puts you in the role as supporter, not prison guard. Ask your family members how you can help them in their journey to a healthier relationship with technology. “I see you are having a hard time remembering to put your phone back in the charging station at night. What can you do that will help you remember?” If it comes from them, there will be less power struggles and there will be a better chance of buy in for the long term.

Our children are not with us 24/7 and we only have so many years where we can be the positive role models in their lives before they launch into adulthood. All parents want their children to lead happy, balanced and healthy lives, but we cannot do it for them. Technology is no exception.

If you or a loved one is struggling with your use of technology, please join me on Thursday October 23rd for a screening of Screenagers Next Chapter and at our online workshop on Thursday, October 31st. This is a webinar that you can stream it from your own devices.

Movie Screening: Screenagers: The Next Chapter, Thurs., Oct. 23

How Smartphones and Social Media Really Affect Children, Thurs. Oct. 31

Seeking resources to help your child thrive? Attend a workshop, schedule a parent education meeting, or schedule an assessment with one of the Child and Adolescent Specialists at Parents Place.

As part of Parents Place’s Children’s Clinical Services team, Havi Wolfson Hall helps children and their families in areas such as anxiety, depression, and self-regulation, and the ever-evolving issues regarding our relationship with technology and how to better balance our lives online and offline. She earned her MSW from the University of Southern California, School of Social Work and her Master’s degree in Jewish Communal Service from Hebrew Union College.

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The Technology and Social Media Rules Kids and Teens Wish Their Parents Would Follow

November 22, 2019 by Havi Hall Leave a Comment

The Technology and Social Media Rules Kids and Teens Wish Their Parents Would Follow

A recent research study entitled “Not at the Dinner Table: Parents’ and Children’s Perspectives on Family Technology Rules” found that the majority of the 259 families studied have rules around social media and technology. It also found that only 6% of families have no rules or expectations at all about technology use. The researchers asked the same questions to the parents and children in each family and the conclusions were eye opening.

This study also generated seven general rules children wished their parents would follow:

1. Be Present. Given the rapid rise of different types of technology available to us today we as adults often have difficulty monitoring ourselves when it comes to technology. Our kids are reporting that we are the ones with the inability to put away our phones. As their role models it is incumbent on us to demonstrate we are taking the time to be mindful and present with them, rather than prioritizing our screens.

2. Child autonomy. Our children can only show us how capable they are when we give them the chance to prove it! Within the limits of the rules created as a family, show your children that you trust them. Once that baseline trust is created, additional responsibilities can be added. Start with devices that are closed systems, for example nothing with web browsing capabilities or internet access. As your children’s needs increase, so, too can their devices. We do not hand over the keys to a race car as soon as our kids pass the drivers permit! Same should be said for technological devices.

3. Moderate use. If our children had a say, they would ask us to balance our technology use with other activities. Find times throughout the day where you put your phone away, breakfast time, in the car, and dinner time are great times to start! Fill the time with other activities you can do as a family. Family meals, walks, game night, etc. are all great bonding activities that naturally lend themselves to increased communication and feelings of connectedness.

4. Supervise but don’t Intrude. Our children might not like our rules, but our children also want us and need us to help keep them safe. The research also found that children are more open to our rules when those rules are around their personal safety and welfare, as opposed to when we set rules related to issues of personal taste. When first introducing a device to your child or deciding to add a new function or app to the device, go over the owner manual and tutorials so that you and your child are learning together. Be clear with your children that “Supervision” is not the same as “Spying”. When children understand that there will be routine checks of their devices, they will be more cognizant of how their devices are used. Communicate with your child that you trust them with their device, and mistakes will be made, but they will not lose their device as a punishment. Instead their device will get an appropriate downgrade. This will keep your lines of communication open and honest so that you are seen as more of an influence and guide rather than an authoritarian.

5. Not while driving. Not even at traffic lights! Children want us to stop texting or looking at our phones when we’re behind the wheel, even if we’re stopped at traffic lights. They’re watching everything we do. One day they’ll be driving, and when they are, we will want them to put their phones down too.

6. Don’t overshare. They really don’t want us to share information about them without their explicit permission. According to Sarita Schoenebeck, assistant professor at the University of Michigan’s School of Information and one of the authors of the study, ‘Twice as many children as parents expressed concerns about family members over sharing personal information about them on Facebook and other social media without permission … Many children said they found that content embarrassing and felt frustrated when their parents continued to do it.” Also by setting appropriate boundaries for your own posting, you are setting an example of personal boundaries for your children so later in life they, too, will not overshare.

7. Practice what you preach. Kids and teens want their parents to practice what they preach. For example putting the phone down when everyone at the table should be a rule that applies to everyone. As a family when you create your technology rules, be mindful that these are rules for every family member, even the parents. This helps everyone be more accountable for their own actions and more likely to follow the rules.

TAKE ACTION

Reboot’s National Day of Unplugging is a 24 hour respite from digital devices. This year it will be taking place from sundown March 9th-Sundown March 10th. Try putting away your phone in one of their “cell phone sleeping bags” available at Parents Place locations. It can be for one hour, the whole day or somewhere in between! It may impact you in a way you never expected.

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4 Rules for Tidying Up Your Technology

November 22, 2019 by Havi Hall Leave a Comment

After watching episodes of Marie Kondo’s Netflix series Tidying Up, I couldn’t help but see the correlation between her work and the work I have had the privilege of engaging in with my clients over the last two decades.

Like the KonMari method, my aim for each of my clients is to empower them to take back control and learn what they need to in order to find balance in their lives:

Rule #1: Become Aware

Some of most exciting new advances in technology are the tracking options on our devices that can help us accurately measure how much we are using certain tools. Take advantage of these new monitoring systems as a way to truly recognize how much of your time and attention is being spent on your device. Much the way a huge mountain of clothing can function on your bed, in this first step you will be face-to-face with the minutes, hours, and days that you are spending plugged in. Let that information sink in and ask yourself: Are there other ways I can be using my time and attention that will improve my health and wellness, make me feel more productive and more connected to the causes and people I care most about, and bring me joy?

Rule #2: Create Sacred Spaces

Technology is something we have all learned we cannot live without. However, that should not mean that we always need to be connected. In this next step, clients find locations in the home where technology is going to live and sleep. Technological devices should always be powered down and charged in a centralized area, such as an office or kitchen. Studies have shown that even if a device is only being charged in a bedroom, it still disrupts sleep patterns. Just knowing that the device is in arm’s reach can create a sense of urgency or need to check. Disrupted sleep prevents our ability to go into the deep restorative sleep that our bodies need to fully recharge—just like our devices, which charge fully only when completely turned off.

In addition, there should be no technology in the car. With new driving laws around cell phones in cars, we need to be mindful of our use of our cell phones and other devices. Be good role models for your kids. Use “Driving Mode” functions to disable distractions and alert those who reach out to you that you will reply as soon as you are able. Also, use hands free options and voice-activated reminders for those last minute “Do not forget to pick up the dry cleaning” messages.

Rule #3: Create Sacred Time

The “when” we use technology continues to be a balancing act for our busy lives. With work, family, and social obligations tugging at us at all times, we depend on our devices to stay organized, informed, and connected to the people we care most about. However, in this hyper-connected state of being, many people actually feel isolated and disconnected. Studies have found correlations between excessive screen time and increased feelings of anxiety and depression, especially for younger children and adolescents. While social media, email, and texting help us feel that we are able to reach out at any moment of need, our attention to our devices can impact our in-person, face-to-face interactions.

In this step, it is important for individuals, couples, and especially families to make a conscious effort to spend time device-free. Examples of some good “tech-cation” times include: first thing in the morning; right before, during, or after pick up and drop off at school; meal times; and especially the hour before bedtime.

One of the most powerful things that you can do to regain control of your device is to alter your notification settings. Take a moment to look at the ways in which your device asks for your attention. Your ringer can be set to silent or only ring when people on your contact list contact you. You may also be able to set “do not disturb” times on your phone, which allows you to have uninterrupted time that you have carved out. The National Day of Unplugging is March 1 – 2, in 2019. What will you and your family choose to do from Sundown Friday to Sundown Saturday?

Rule #4: Ask Yourself if Your Device Sparks Joy

What sparks that feeling of joy in you? Marie Kondo uses this feeling to help guide her clients through their clutter. That feeling of joy she describes can also be called a dopamine surge, those warm fuzzy feelings we get when we see something we love. How does this happen? When we are born, we experience huge amounts of a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin is triggered when a baby is held comforted, fed, and even smiled at by their caregiver. Over time and as we become less physically dependent on our caregivers, we continue to seek out this “feel good” hormone through interactions with others. When our bodies feel this, they also release dopamine, the hormone associated with happiness and joy. MRI studies have been able to show through their imaging that many of the devices we engage in are also eliciting these “feel good” hormones from us, which makes our devices even more enjoyable to be connected to.

By the time a client reaches out to me for help, either they themselves or a member of their family is seeking out this “feel good” experience with their devices at the expense of other things. They fear that they or their loved on is addicted to their device. There is a fine line between dependency on a device and addiction. Teach yourself to recognize the signs of technology addiction:

Is there an increased amount or excessive amount of use?
Is your use of technology and devices impacting your school work or productivity at work?
Are you replacing activities that once brought you joy with technology?
Are you unable to stop your usage, or having trouble finding a balance?
Has there been a decrease in sleep or sudden changes in weight gain or loss?
Do you feel anxious or irritable when you do not have access to your device?
Are you unable to stop use even when trying to find a balance?

The National Day of Unplugging is this weekend, March 1 – 2 . It is a 24-hour global respite from technology. The National Day of Unplugging highlights the value of disconnecting from digital devices to connect with ourselves, our loved ones, and our community in real time.

What will you and your family choose to do from Sundown Friday to Sundown Saturday? My recommendation is to unplug for these 24 hours, then on Sunday have a family meeting where everyone can discuss the changes they vow to make.

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